by Debbie
'I’m doing really, really well. I have been back at work for about 7 weeks now and it’s been positive so far. The week before last both my team lead and clinical manager were on holiday so I was in charge for the week, as well as being on call. Previously that would have filled me with dread and made me totally believe that I wouldn’t cope. Initially when I realised I did have a slight panic but then stopped and thought it’s fine, it’ll be what it’ll be and it’s nothing haven’t done before. And guess what - it was a great week! I got to work closely with two of the team I love working with, it was really busy with lots to sort but we worked together and sorted it, I smoothed over issues in the wider team and got positive feedback that people were pleased to have me back at work.
Overall I’m feeling much more confident and relaxed. I keep telling people that I feel more like me than I have done for as long as I can remember. It feels like years.
I’m much more comfortable with myself and being around others. I even went out to meet friends at a cafe in a pair of shorts at the weekend. Instead of worrying about how I looked I thought I’m me, I’m fine and I’m loved by my friends.
Most positive though is how I am doing with food. I’ve lost a stone over 5 weeks and feel so much better - more confident, comfortable and clothes for much better, in fact some things are getting to big.
I don’t remember making a conscious decision to eat better it just seems to have happened naturally. I’m eating healthier meals, eating much less crap, have no real desire to eat it, or buy it. I amaze myself every time I’m in a supermarket and walk straight past crisps, cakes, sweets, etc with no desire to buy them, no battle trying to stop myself buying them.
I’m no longer constantly thinking about food. When I do though I think about planning a nice healthy meal or that I’m looking forward to the lunch I made to take to work.
I had some fresh raspberries and cut up a couple of strawberries and put them in a ramekin dish with a drizzle of cream. That was enough. I did it without thinking about it, it just seemed the right thing to do. Previously I could easily have filled a big bowl and eaten them all then felt sick, guilty, etc
I was just thinking then that I haven’t been telling myself “I’m okay” much lately. Maybe it’s because I know I am!!"